There once was a lonely ghost,
More promiscuous in life than most…
Scared ladies ‘e’d meet
Wi’ the bulge in ‘is sheet…
It protruded out bold like a post.
Engage well in tickles an’ laughter…
It makes the nights longer and dafter…
To comedy’s dance
Ye can come in yer pants…
But make sure yer cleans up well after.
A butcher’s nah judged on ‘is walk,
Or graces or fancy talk…
I’s sure ye’ll agree
‘Tis the good quality,
An’ the size of ‘is finest pork.
A seaman, inside a crow’s nest
Seeks decision on where ‘e shall quest.
Whether South, to the trove
Of a warm, tropic cove…
Or North ta the mounts ‘e likes best.
An elderly vampire named Keith,
Once caught a fair maid in the heath.
While tryin’ ta suck,
He cried ‘I’s nah luck!
I’s gone an’ forgotten me teeth!’